God VS Program Manager Funny

God VS Program Manager (Funny)

One day a man was having a conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??

" to which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you" . This was the actual conversation between God and Man This is the famous foot prints story written by Margaret Fishback Powers.

Another day a S/w Programmer was having a similar conversation with his PM when his whole project flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

He asked his PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Youngman, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!".

“The only devils in this world are the devils in our brains. The battle should be first fought against them”

Mahatma Gandhi

Frustrated Victim of Emails .. Funny

FRUSTRATED VICTIM OF EMAILS (FUNNY)

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005. Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet Stains

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS*

*I stopped walking on footpaths, for fear of get dust into my eye and it turns out to be a live worm

*I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

*I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

*I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo

*I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

*When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

*I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me (when I participated in their special-mail program) would arrive soon.

*My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland .

*Still open to help someone from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of some hundred millions $.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.. now most of those "Wishes" are lready married (to someone else)

IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 9137600 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will sh*t on your head today at 04.00 hour 5 min 6 sec

Now Give me a break

"Life's gretest setbacks reveals life's biggest opportunities"

Robin Sharma from who will cry when you die

A tribute to Professions (Funny)

A Tribute to the Professors of India, on their usage of English

# Inside the Class:

* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.

* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.

* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor.

* You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .)

* Both of u three get out of the class.

* Close the doors of the windows please . I have winter in my nose today.

* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.

* Take 5 cm wire of any length.

* shhh... quite, the principal is rotating in the school.

· (Facing the Board)

Dont talk in front of my back.

*(In the Alumni Meet)

The principal addresses the alumni students & says

* I am happy that you all passed away from this college.

*(In the class)

*Remember me in the class tomorrow ...@!@!(instead of remind me...)

* In the exam,

My paper is overing give me a new paper.

# About his family:

* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls.... (?)

# At the ground:

* All of you stand in a straight circle.

* There is no wind in the ball.

*Let the sun go then we can play (to say evening...)

# To a boy, angrily:

* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# Giving a punishment:

* You, rotate the ground four times...

* You, go and under-stand the tree...

* You three of you, stand together separately.

* Why are you late - say YES or NO.... (?)

# Sir at his best:

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to seeone of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So thenext day at school (to that boy): "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."

“If U keep waiting for just the Right time, U may never Begin...”

A NICE STORY ABOUT MANAGER

Scientists at the Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about Seventy such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township.

So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early today. The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch.As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion The time was 8.30 p.m Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.

His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children??? Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has taken the children to the exhibition.What had really happened was The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.

By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????

He was The Great A P J Abdul Kalam.

“Worrying does not reduce yesterday`s sorrows But it empties today`s strength”

Once upon a Time

ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.

Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.

Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.

Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.

Once upon a time teacher taught and students learnt, now teacher trades and students consume.

Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.

Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.

Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.

Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.

Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.

Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business

“Humor is the essence of life and Patience is the sense of life”

Importance of Love .. A Nice Story

IMPORTANCE OF LOVE

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed.. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

"Appreciation is a wonderful thing; it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well"

Indian Mind .. Very Gud 1 for Laughs

Why India Shining

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys of a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.


The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your Business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"


The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"


Ah, the mind of the Indian...

This is why India is shining.

The story does not end here

Reading the above story, an American went to an Indian bank in NY and did the same stunt. Gave the Ferrari as a collataeral borrowed $5000 and came back and returned it two weeks later paying a 'parking fee' of $15.41. He went laughing out of the bank for having got back at the Indians.


The Indian staff at the bank too were grinning from ear to ear. Where else could two Indian bank officers drive a Ferrari around New York for a week each without paying the rentals???

Moral of the story: Indians are always great.

“ Live for a cause not for applause. Live to express not to impress”